Sunday, 24 February 2013

Today has been one of my tragic days. I woke up with a snotty nose this morning, and the snottiness seemed to fill my whole body with rage and make me cross with everyone.

(But mainly mummy.)

My friend Jackson and his mummy Nic came round to our house early this morning, and I was very pleased to see them because at that point, my rage was at a very low level and I was still able to smile and be nice to people.

I showed Jackson some of my toys that he hasn't seen before, and then we all went to the park in our cars. It was when we had got to the park, and we were all walking down the path together, that my rage first started to appear.

First I realised that I didn't want to walk, and that since I had a snotty nose, mummy should carry me around and save me the trouble of moving on my own. But when I clung to mummy's knees and wailed at her to tell her this, of course she refused to carry me, and said that I had to walk like a big girl.  

Then my rage got bigger and bigger, and I followed mummy and Jackson and Nic down the path, and I bawled all the way. A few times mummy stopped and asked me to stop bawling, but my rage wouldn't let me. Mummy told me that we were going to feed the ducks, and that if I carried on crying and shouting, then she wouldn't let me have any duck bread. I didn't believe her and I carried on bawling anyway.

When we reached the duck pond, mummy pulled the duck bread out of her bag and gave some to everyone except me, just like she had said that she would. So it turned out that mummy is not a fibber, but she is the meanest and most heartless person in the world.

I stood by the side of the pond and watched Jackson throwing bread for the ducks, and when the bread was nearly all gone mummy must have felt a bit guilty for her meanness, because she took hold of my hand and asked me if I would like a piece of duck bread too.

I did want some duck bread, but I was too angry with mummy to not argue with anything that she said to me now, so I pulled my hand away from her and said "No! No!" and squeezed out some more rage tears.

Mummy turned away from me and threw the rest of the bread to the ducks, and then we carried on with our walk. I stomped along behind everyone else, wailing every so often and thinking about how awful mummy is, and how rubbish it is to be me.

Mummy and Nic took us to the playground, and I put my rage on hold while I played on the slide and the climbing frame. Then we left the playground and walked down to the cafe, and my rage came back in a very noisy way while we were walking again.

I was happier in the cafe while I was eating, and I also found that I liked walking on my own again, because I got to run away from mummy to the other side of the cafe and then grin at her from behind the legs of people I didn't know. This was a good punishment for mummy because I know that she doesn't like me to run away in busy places, and the cafe was full of lots of lovely strangers to taunt her with.

When we had all eaten our cafe food we walked back to the car, and I walked nicely most of the way while my rage had a rest.

But then mummy told me that Nic and Jackson were going home to their own house and that I had to say goodbye to them, so I exploded into noisy tears again and refused to give either Nic or Jackson a hug, or to say goodbye. I kind of hoped this would mean that they couldn't go away to their own house, and that they would have to come home with us instead, but it didn't. They just went away without me saying goodbye to them, and mummy said that they had probably gone to get away from my noise. Which I thought was unkind of her.

When we got back home, mummy put me into bed for my nap, and I napped for a long time and felt a bit happier when I woke up. Only for a little while, though ... because by the time daddy came home from work, my rage had come back, and I argued with the parent staff about everything they said to me until it was time for bed.

When the parent staff put me to bed tonight, they said that I had better be very good tomorrow, to make up for all of the rage today. Maybe if they are good tomorrow, then I will not feel so cross, and I will be able to be a good girl like I usually am.

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